In these modern times, we live in societies in which most men and women have lost their sense of modesty, women are obsessed with their appearances and wear clothes to be seen by others and to attract the attention of men – even if they are already married. It seems as though they have lost their shame.
Marriage is often looked down upon as old-fashioned, part of the past and not the present. Short term affairs and frivolous relationships are more common than marriage with everyone waiting to attract a better partner and feeling justified in dumping one partner for another in an instant.
Men and women are told to suppress their natural emotions. Husbands are not even embarrassed when their wives are dressed up and attract the attention of other men. They don’t mind if another man sees, chats, laughs, and even dances with their wives, daughters, mothers, etc. And if they do mind, they are rebuked and told not to be so possessive.
In Islam there is a concept known as gheerah. Gheerah is an Arabic term which can be translated as protectiveness or jealousy. It’s not a bad sort of jealousy; rather it’s a good sort of jealousy, like when a man feels jealous or protective over his wife, sisters, daughters, or other women and doesn’t like other men to look at them let alone chat, laugh, and dance with them. This jealousy is a natural inbuilt feeling Allah subhana wa ta'ala has given to both men and women. The Prophet salallahu alayhi wassalam had the most gheerah for his wives, and all of the Sahaba were known for their gheerah as well.
All Muslim men should have a collective sense of protectiveness for Muslim women. Allah says in the Qur’an, ‘The men are the protectors and maintainers of women.’ (Surah an-Nisa’ verse 34) Men who do not care about how their women behave and appear in front of other men and who don’t enforce the principles of hijab upon their wives or other women-folk are called dayooth. Being a dayooth is a major sin and should be avoided.
A hadith related by Asmaa’ radiallahu ‘anhaa (the daughter of Abu Bakr radiallahu ‘anhu) about herself can help us further understand the quality of gheerah. Abu Bakr was a wealthy merchant who married his daughter Asmaa’ to az-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awwam radiallhu ‘anhu, a very poor man but a man of great piety and one of the Sahaba promised Paradise.
Asmaa’ relates: ‘When az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land nor wealth nor slave. I had to work hard kneading dough, going far off to get water. And I used to carry on my head the date stones from the land of az-Zubayr which Allah’s Messenger salallahu alayhi wassalam had endowed him and it was a distance of two miles from Madinah. One day, as I was carrying the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet the Messenger salallahu alayhi wassalam, along with a group of Sahaba. He called me and told the camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I remembered az-Zubayr and his gheerah and he was a man having the most gheerah. The Messenger of Allah salallahu alayhi wassalam understood my shyness and left. I came to az-Zubayr and said, “The Messenger of Allah salallahu alayhi wassalam met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was with him a group of the Sahaba. He told the camel to kneel so that I could mount it, but I felt shy and I remembered your gheerah.” So I declined the offer made by the Prophet salallahu alayhi wassalam. Upon this az-Zubayr said, “By Allah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is more severe a burden on me that you riding with him.”’ (related in Sahih al-Bukhari)
See the sense of dignity and modesty of Asmaa’. See how she felt shy in front of men. See how careful she was about her husband’s feelings. She knew that her husband had a lot of gheerah and thus didn’t want to upset him by accepting the Prophet’s help even though he was the purest of men and it meant bringing hardship on herself. And look at az-Zubayr: even though he had a lot of gheerah, he didn’t want to inconvenience his wife. What a beautiful relationship they had!
Sometimes Muslim women don’t understand if their husbands, fathers, sons, etc. want them to cover their faces or if they ask them to change something about the way they dress of speak in public. To them, this is being overprotective. But dear sisters, if your husband asks you not to wear a certain color of hijab because it brings out the beauty of your eyes, or if he wants you to cover your face, by Allah, be thankful! Be proud of the fact that your husband has a sense of gheerah for you, and the he values you, cares for your hereafter. Your husband knows far more than you do about what men can be like, so never try to suppress his gheerah in such situations.
And his concern for you should incite your own sense of honor. Why should any man be able to see your beauty and think indecent thoughts about you? Your beauty should be reserved for your husband’s eyes only. We must nurture our own sense of gheerah as well as our husband’s by behaving and dressing modestly ourselves and paying attention to their valid opinions.
And dear brothers, how can you allow your wife or sister or daughter to walk around attracting the attention and evil thoughts of other men? How can it not bother you when she smiles and talks to other men? No male has the right to enjoy her and her company except her husband and those men in her life you are mahram to her.
You are not being overbearing if you first encourage and then enforce the hijab on your wife, daughter, sister, etc. because you will be asked about it on the Day of Judgment. Not doing so is a major sin upon you. It is up to the men to enforce these things in their homes. The excuse that your wife didn’t want to will not work. Some women need a firm, balance, and guiding hand from their men. Thus with wisdom you must enforce hijab in your home. You are a shepherd and are responsible for your flock. Allah says in the Qur’an, ‘Oh you who believe, protect yourselves and your family from a fires whose fuel is men and stones.’ (Surah at-Tahreem verse 6)
There is a vast difference in how Islam values and protects women, and how cheaply women are treated outside of Islam. As Muslims, we must be careful that our sense of modesty and shame (hayaa’) and gheerah do not wear thin in a society in which people have lost it.
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