Answering Your Questions: Family

Didn’t your parents and family stand against your decision of being a Muslim?

Yes and no.

Yes, there were a few of my relatives that had major issues with my decision to convert to Islam. Namely my mom, my step-dad, and my grandma on my mom’s side.

My mom was the second person to know about my conversion. She was actually aware of my interest in the religion prior to that, but had been indifferent towards the fact. That indifference carried over after my conversion. In fact, my mom supported me – in a way. Because we both knew my step-dad would not be pleased if he found out that I was now a Muslim, I had to hide it and I did so with my mother’s help. Throughout my first Ramadan, she made sure to hold off dinner long enough so as not to raise suspicions when I didn’t eat until after sunset. For the first few months, I felt I had an ally in my mom; she may not have been totally supportive of it, but at least she wasn’t against me being a Muslim.

At least until my step-dad finally found out. Then she was dead-set against me being a Muslim. She joined with my grandma and step-dad in their attempts to shake my faith. I don’t think she had any major problems with Islam itself; rather, she was worried I would get married to a Muslim man who would then whisk me away, never to be heard from again. A good enough reason to be worried I suppose, but of course a reason built upon misinformation and misunderstanding all the same.

My mom threatened to forgo helping me pay for school. She completely cut my Internet access so I couldn’t interact with fellow Muslims. She allowed my grandma to preach to me about Christianity when she herself is not a Christian. So in the end, it was her pressure that made me decide to pretend I wasn’t Muslims anymore. Only when that occurred did she stop the war tactics. Although, she still tested me at times, such as nights when she would cook pork for dinner.

And then there’s my step-dad. Where to begin? From certain passages above, you can already tell he had problems with Muslims. I knew before becoming a Muslim that he was prejudiced against Muslims. I have no idea why; maybe due to bad experiences during a military stay in Saudi Arabia. But that’s not important; what is important is he had issues with Muslims. And so for awhile I avoided telling him about my new-found religion. However, in a small town, it doesn’t take long for news to travel, especially big news. So a few months after I converted, he found out through the grapevine.

While my mother reacted with action, my step-dad did the exact opposite. For several months, he did not speak to me. We lived in the same house, but he didn’t utter a word to me. Even after I told my mom I wasn’t a Muslim anymore, he didn’t believe it. Of course he was right, but that’s not the point. And when I graduated from high school, I was out the door at his insistence. The silence continued for several more months, helped along by the fact that I wasn’t living with my parents. At least he wasn’t verbally berating me or worse.

Last on the contention list is my grandma. To start, she’s a devout Lutheran Christian (thank goodness she isn’t Catholic!). You can imagine she wasn’t pleased when she discovered her granddaughter was a Muslim. I never told her because I wasn’t sure what her reaction would be, and I didn’t want to poke a sleeping bear unintentionally. But then my mom poked the bear for me. At least one night a week, she would come to our house and preach. She would read from the Bible, give me handouts speaking about the terrible religion that is Islam, among other things. I can remember one particular attempt to kill my faith. My grandma brought over a DVD of a sermon given by a pastor in California. The whole hour long show was devoted to tearing into Islam. And when I ended up living with her for a week after getting kicked out of the house, she asked me one day, ‘Why do you hate Christians?’

That’s only the beginning of the list, which is far too long to go into too much detail.

However, no, Alhamdulillah most of my family was accepting of my conversion. Besides the three people listed above, I found no one in disagreement of my religious beliefs. You see, most in my family – on all sides – follow the philosophy that all are entitled to their own beliefs. Nobody was overjoyed that I had converted; all have been neutral on the issue. Considering what it could have been, I’m happy that’s what happened.

But what makes me the happiest is how my parents have come ‘round. When at the university, I told my mom that I had never stopped being a Muslim. I couldn’t hide it forever. But she didn’t get mad at me nor did she hang up right away. She wasn’t too impressed, but I had never expected her to be impressed. When I returned home for summer break, I had a firm resolve to better myself as a Muslim. This required telling my parents about wudu’ (ablution) and prayers. Their reaction was neutral, far from the reaction they had given before. In fact, my mother has even asked me a few question about Islam. Boy did I breathe a sigh of relief. After so much flak from the two of them, it is nice to know they don’t have such a big issue with my faith.

Now the only person who doesn’t agree with my beliefs is my grandmother. While I do resent her sometimes for her attempts to bring me back to Christianity, I can understand where she’s coming from. I mean, if my granddaughter or daughter converted to another religion, I would do all that I could do to persuade them otherwise. I suppose that makes me a bit of a hypocrite. But regardless, I know her preaching and such came from her heart; she cares about me and doesn’t want to see me straying from the path – the path she believes in anyway.

When it comes to disagreement about my conversion from family members, I’m living the sweet life. Alahmdulillah none of my family has disowned me due to my religion which is far better than some fellow converts can say. Some lose their whole families in addition to their friends. Their parents, their wives or husbands, their children and their family, leave simply because they can’t accept their loved one’s faith. I can say I’m thankful to Allah that I still have my family by my side.

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