When I first entered the fold of Islam, I was under the impression it was a strict, tough religion. Tough in the sense that there was an awful lot to do, and I would be asked to do more than I could. Praying at least five times a day, having to remain pure, having to learn Arabic and read the Qur’an with certain etiquette, eating a certain way, meeting people a certain way, and on and on; I was rather overwhelmed by just how much a Muslim does in the way of Islam. That overwhelming feeling can probably be attributed to my upbringing; beyond church and maybe some Bible studies, how much does religion affect the lives of Christians? Not much. It was a new experience for me to accept a whole new religion, or more specifically, a way of life.
But as I have learned more and more about Islam, I have realized it truthfully is an easy religion, a religion far from tough. Yes, as a newcomer, it is a bit of a challenge in the beginning to learn to do everything differently. For those who are raised Muslim, raised with Islam a part of their life, everything is second nature to them. For me though, praying five times a day, fasting, dhikr, and most aspects of the sunnah are completely novel for me; I’ve literally had to change my entire lifestyle.
Despite this, Islam is still an easy religion. Verse 185 of Surah al-Baqara in the Qur’an highlights this point: ‘Allah desires ease for you, and desires not hardship for you.’ Then there’s verse 78 from Surah al-Hajj: ‘He has not placed any hardship for you in religion.’ I can remember an instructor in an online class I recently participated in saying there is no hardship religion. He said this not once but three times, in three distinct lessons. Scholars often say if one finds hardship, then it is because he/she are doing something wrong. Either they are ignorant or they lack necessary knowledge.
I’m happy to say Islam is no longer challenging for me. If something comes up that I find tough, I ask a scholar about it or read about it.
However, there is one area in which I’m experiencing some trouble, an area that I’m not sure many can help me with.
I have this cousin, an awesome cousin. He’s only a few months younger than me so you can imagine we have a strong, close bond. Unfortunately, due to distances and living in different states, we didn’t get see each other more than a few weekends a year as young children. However, whenever we did get to spend time together, we always had a blast. I can remember us gallivanting around our grandparents’ farm, imagining all sorts of different things. I can remember exploring the small grove and the slim creek on the farm. I can remember pulling around a cart, pretending we were horses. The memories I have of him are probably some of the best in my childhood.
Around the age of 13, my family moved from distant South Dakota to Minnesota, taking residence with my grandparents. Now I was always there when my cousin and his family came by. We had the chance to get together a couple weekends during the summer maybe as well as Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving. We were now more mature and were able to have more in-depth conversations. At that time, nothing was better than staying up late and having some great discussions.
But when my parents and I moved out of my grandma’s house, mine and my cousin’s relationship started to drift apart a bit. It was a mixture of tension between my parents and my mom’s family and laziness to keep in contact on my end. For a while, we didn’t trade words nor did we see each other much.
Even with this period of distance, I’m happy to say we still have a good relationship. We have some great conversations, and I always enjoy chatting with him. We’re very similar and have a lot of shared interests, especially writing and activism. Although he’s a bit younger than me, I often find myself looking up to him; indeed, he is an inspiration for me, the reason I have a blog in the first place.
However, there is a problem, the one thing about Islam I find tough. You see, my cousin is gay.
For those of you who do not know the ruling of homosexuality in Islam, let me try to quickly summarize it insha’Allah. Like in Christianity and Judaism, homosexuality is a sin, a serious sin. There are different opinions on what exactly the major sins are in Islam, but I can promise you homosexuality is on every single list. Being sexually attracted to the opposite sex itself is not necessarily a sin; the actual act of engaging in sexual relations with the same sex is the part that will get someone into trouble. In the majority of Islamic countries, homosexuality is punishable by death.
What’s tough about this situation is that I must stick with Islam no matter how I feel about my cousin. Islam must come before anything in my life. Because there is clear evidence that homosexuality is completely haram, there is no way I can say, ‘I do not agree with this ruling. Homosexuality is okay.’ Doing so would possibly put me in danger of being termed as a non-Muslim. Obviously that’s not something I want. So what am I supposed to do?
According to Islam, we should never hate people because they sin; rather we should hate the sin itself, not them. We should also pray for those who are misguided. But I can understand how frustrating this is to my cousin and other homosexuals. I’ve often heard Christians say to homosexuals, ‘I love you even though you are gay, and I’m praying God will lead you to the truth about homosexuality.’ Hearing that sometimes only serves to depress and distress them. How would you like it if someone told you part of your life was wrong and had to be changed? To them, it’s like saying being shy is sinful.
A few Muslims have instructed me to distance myself from my cousin. This to me is an absolutely crazy suggestion. They do have a good point and this probably is the proper thing to do Islamically. But how could I stop interacting with someone I love just because I have different beliefs than him? I could never shun my cousin simply because he lives his life differently than mine, because he has a different belief system than me. I could never imagine telling my cousin I couldn’t talk to him any more simply because Islam rules homosexuality as wrong.
I think for people who have grown up in a society where homosexuality is taboo, it would be relatively easy to avoid those who identify as homosexual no matter how close he/she is to them. For them, being gay is disgusting and terrible. But in the US, views on homosexuality are a lot different. At least for some. My parents are probably homophobic, but their beliefs have never affected me much; if they had, I probably wouldn’t be a Muslim right now. So my views on homosexuality are a lot less strict than someone raised in an Islamic country.
In the end, I do believe homosexuality is haram; there is no way I can argue that it isn’t and neither do I desire to. And I will agree a Muslim should distance him or herself from those who sin. Yet at the same, I truly love my cousin. He understands me better than anyone in my family, whether we’re talking about my mom’s side or my dad’s side. He’s been through many similar situations as me; he came out as gay, I came out as Muslim. He himself is not Muslim, so I do not expect him to believe the same things I do.
The whole problem is one major conundrum which just keeps going in circles. On one side, I want to do as I should in Islam. Yet on the other side, I have a near and dear family member whom I care deeply about. I’m stuck in the middle, and that’s a very conflicting place to be in. All in all, it’s almost very frustrating to know exactly where homosexuality lies in Islam but to have someone so close be gay.
For now, I will let Allah do the judging. If I am wrong, then all I can do is pray Allah forgives me. I will never condone homosexuality as it is undoubtedly wrong in Islam, yet neither will I turn my back on someone simply because they believe differently than me. I personally believe homosexuality is wrong, but not everyone does as I will always respect the beliefs of others. I am not about to forfeit the relationship I have with my cousin, and I hope we can remain close as our lives diverge further and further.
My cousin and I many years ago on our grandparents' farm
I think you're position is fine. If you believe homosexuality is a sin, it is according to the Christianity and according to Islam. There is no arguing that.
ReplyDeleteBut you can also argue from the Christianity perspective that eating shrimp is a sin and that one should distant themselves from sinners and those who eat shrimp. I think that you need to respect the historical aspect of Islam. I am not sure what other laws are in Islam but I am going to assume that some may in some respects promote discrimination instead of love. It sounds like you hang out with some of more conservative Muslims which is fine, but if it is tearing you apart, I would suggest being more abrasive and coming up with your own perspectives based upon your own interpretations. As you know, we all have our own ways of looking at the world. You need to look at the world the way you feel necessary.
Good luck to you, I will see if I can find myself a gay Muslim sect online and see what they think. They are out there!
Okay, this is a huge misconception of Islam: Islam and Shari’ah law do not teach Muslims to discriminate against other groups and religions. The problem with Islam today is that people are mixing it with culture so the true religion is marred and clouded. Either that or people are taking extreme interpretations from the Qur’an and sunnah. From what I’ve learned, Muslims should treat others with kindness and respect, not mercilessness. In the end it’s all up to Allah to judge who has done wrong and who has done right, not us. This is the philosophy that I follow anyway. But if something is proved clearly in the Qur’an, then I can do nothing but accept it. As I said in the post, to not do so would label me as a non-Muslim.
ReplyDeleteThere is no doubt that some laws are a bit cruel to non-Muslims. Ultimately, there is always a great wisdom behind these laws whether we understand it or not. And there are some Muslims who probably think those laws are a bit barbaric too, not just non-Muslims. I myself cringe when I hear some of the laws…I don’t agree with some of the harsher laws. But I have to remind myself there is wisdom behind the laws. When it comes to Muslims, if they are living their lives correctly, then they shouldn’t have to worry about the laws. If they have an issue with them and they live in a Muslim country where the law will be carried out, then they should leave. It’s just like Muslims in the US and the UK that have issues with no Shari’ah in the US or UK – they should move to an Islamic country and quit complaining!
I do spend most of my time with conservative Muslims, but I consider myself to be conservative and I was a long time before I came here. The struggle I’m having has nothing to do with them or their opinions…I have a brain and I’m not afraid to use it! The perspectives I have are very rarely the product of someone else. Someone might introduce them to me, but I do my research before deciding for myself where I stand on the issue. And the point of avoiding those who sin is to increase ourselves in our faith and religion. To a Muslim, our goal is heaven and we do everything we can to get there. There’s the danger that if we spend a lot of time with somebody who commits fornication for example, then we might fall into committing fornication as well. A non-Muslim might laugh at that idea, but it’s a big thing in Islam. Muslims are always cautioned to spend time with the righteous among us in the hopes that we can improve through them, by learning from them and following what they do. This doesn’t work so well when it comes to homosexuality simply because – as people argue – they are born homosexual or are born with the tendency to do so. Obviously homosexuality is not a disease and so can’t be transferred from person to person.
However, more tradition Muslims raised with Islam probably think differently.
While I might disagree with them, I certainly won’t tell them off for having their own beliefs. If they think homosexuals are to be avoided, then that’s great for them. Not for me. I respect people and their beliefs and will only share mine when asked. But I have mentioned to them that they stop speaking about it and they have, so that works too I guess.
Of course there are homosexual Muslims! I don’t know if you remember, but I think I suggested a documentary called ‘A Jihad for Love.’ I watched it on Netflix, but I also found it on YouTube. The problem is it’s a channel available only in the UK. If I find a version you can access, I’ll email you the link! And I’m sure there are plenty of forums and maybe even some blogs out there about it!
Oh, and I know this is not the point, but I can’t help but argue lol…shrimp is okay to eat in Islam, so we don’t have to avoid any one who happens to like shrimp:)
"But you can also argue from the Christianity perspective that eating shrimp is a sin and that one should distant themselves from sinners and those who eat shrimp."
ReplyDeleteOh come on, Jacob! You've got to do better than that. You must know that that Christianity does nor condemn eating shrimp. Mark 7:17-19, Romans 7:4-6.
(BTW if you have nothing better than caricatures like this to bring against Christianity, you have no case against it.)
I think it is sad that you are letting Islam do your thinking for you in this instance. Religions evolve in light of new information. I'm in a heterosexual marriage, but I attend a very diverse synagogue with a lesbian rabbi. Most denominations of Judaism (except for Orthodox Judaism) have abandoned the archaic notion that homosexuality is "sinful." What is sinful to me is basing contemporary sexual ethics on a single book - whether it is the Koran or one of several versions of the Bible.
ReplyDeleteThe picture of you and your cousin is extremely sweet. What if you put aside your beliefs and your cousin's sexuality for a minute, and just meditated on your relationship? Could you pray istikhara about the type of relationship you could have with your cousin that would not tear you apart? Let your inner voice tell you what to do. Do not use your intellectual brain at this point because you have already tried that. Now its time for your heart. Whatever your heart tells you, accept it.
ReplyDelete