Brainwashed and Surah 4:34

Trolls. The Internet is full of them. They stalk the web in search of a place to elicit rage and anger, leaving inflammatory remarks in the hopes someone will argue. Goaded by the anonymity modern-day technology cloaks them in, they waste no time in sinking their wordy fangs into the soft skin of fellow Internet users. Anyone who dares hold a blog or post videos on YouTube better be prepared for they are most at risk when the trolls are a-hunting.

I’ve seen trollish comments all over the web, and I can almost guarantee you have as well. Possibly every site in the World Wide Web has seen its share of trolls and their remarks. There aren’t too many safe zones any more. So when I began blogging, I knew sooner or later I would have to deal with an Internet troll or two, the only question was when. Last week, the answer came in a form of a short comment on YouTube.

Not long ago I read an article on some news website about how to approach such trollish comments. Essentially, the best advice is to leave them alone. Let them say what they want, and if you have an issue with them, remove their comments. That’s all there is to it. They want you to respond and argue – that’s why they post such comments – and replying is just playing into their hands.

However, while I won’t actually respond to this particular comment, the point of this blog is to clear up any misconceptions about Islam and Muslims. This comment presents a perfect chance to do just that.

First, let’s look at the second part of the comment, the part when he/she called me a ‘brainwashed convert.’ Am I brainwashed convert? When I read this, I couldn’t help but laugh. In no way do I consider myself to be brainwashed. Far from it actually.

The reason why I feel so is straightforward. Brainwashing is defined as a process ‘in which a group or individual “systematically uses unethically manipulative methods to persuade others to conform to the wishes of the manipulator(s), often to the detriment of the person being manipulated.” The term has been applied to any tactic, psychological or otherwise, which can be seen as subverting an individual's sense of control over their own thinking, behavior, emotions or decision making.’ In summary, brainwashing requires a person to manipulate the thoughts and beliefs of another person.

The problem with me is I came across Islam totally on my own. Those of you who know me personally know the community I resided in when I began studying Islam and finally converted. I lived in town of barely 50 people. The nearest Muslim population was a good three hour’s drive away, and a sizable Muslim population was close to 6 hours away. In other words, it was more than 6 months after I converted that I actually met a Muslim. And I can guarantee nobody where I lived brainwashed me into being a Muslim.

Despite not living in a Muslim community or even a community with a few Muslims, I did connect with brothers and sisters over the Internet. But I doubt they could be blamed for brainwashing me as I still did most of the research by myself. I read books by myself, I scoured the web by myself. When they did tell me something, I rarely believed what they said without first investigating further.

Through time I have become more conservative, but I don’t believe that’s through brainwashing either. Yes, people have instructed me to do things but I only did so after making certain I wanted to do such things. My beliefs originate from what I’ve read, yes, but only after I’ve thought about them and made absolutely certain I want to believe such things.

Ultimately, I don’t consider myself brainwashed because nobody has ever dictated how I should believe, nobody has ever manipulated my beliefs. If someone tells me I should do this, think this, believe this, I myself decide whether or not to follow what they say. I first do some research and asking around, then make my decision. If I don’t want to do as someone tells me to, I don’t; it’s as easy as that. I’m a human being and I have my own brain. I can think for myself perfectly fine.

Now, for the first part of the comment. For those of you not familiar with this verse of the Qur’an, here it is:

‘Husbands should take good care of their wives with the bounties Allah has given to some more than others and with what they spend out of their own money. Righteous wives are devout and guard what Allah would have them guard in their husbands’ absence. If you fear rebellion from your wives, remind them of the teachings of Allah, then ignore them when you go to bed, then hit them. If they obey you, you have no right to act against them. Allah is Most High, Most Great.’ – Surah 4:34

As soon as I saw the surah he/she referred me to was surah 4, Surah al-Nisa’, I already had an inkling as to what the issue would be. It wasn’t the verse I automatically thought it would be, but it was another I had come across in the past and was something I was aware of. On the surface, it appears this verse is allowing husband to abuse their wives. But there’s always more to it.

All too often the finger is pointed at Muslims as being wife beaters since Islamic law permits husbands to hit their wives. But domestic violence is a long ways from being unique to Muslim societies. Statistics even show domestic violence is more of a problem in Western countries where it’s illegal.

Shari’ah does allow the husband to hit his wife, this is true. But only under strict guidelines with severe limitations. For one, a husband is not permitted to hurt his wife simply because she spilled his tea, burnt his dinner, or forgot to vacuum. The permission found in the Qur’an extends exclusively to the case of divorce, as a last resort to save the marriage.

What is meant by the words ‘…if you fear rebellion…’ is rebellious disobedience to instructions permitted by Islamic law. As to instructions which contradict the Shari’ah, the wife is obliged to disobey. The Prophet salallahu alayhi wassalam said, ‘Creatures should not be obeyed is it means disobedience to the Creator.’

The verse outlines the process a husband should follow in the case of a rebellious and unjustly disobedient wife. He should first verbally advise her of her obligations. If that fails, he should then cease having sexual relations with her. If that then subsequently fails and the husband sees it useful, as a final step in order to bring her back into line, he is allowed to hit her.

As for the actual hitting, it should not be physically damaging, nor should it be on the face as the Prophet salallahu alayhi wassalam said, ‘Do not hit her in the face nor curse her.’ and ‘Do not beat your wives as you would your servant girl in pre-Islamic times.’ It is not even allowed to hit an animal in the face, let alone a human. If the husband abuses this conditional permission and brutalizes his wife, her male relatives have the right to step in and intervene.

In the end, a husband is expected to care for his wife with kindness and gentleness, not anger and rage. The intent of a husband hitting his wife is not to inflict pan and punishment. It merely is intended to bring the woman back to her senses and back to practicing Islam as well as re-establishing authority in the household. If a Muslim wife is following the Qur’an and sunnah, doing as she should, fulfilling her duties, then there would be no trouble.

Yes, there are Muslim men in the world who abuse their wives, some quite mercilessly. But the problem lies with them, not Islam nor their wives. They are not doing as Allah has commanded them to do, and they will surely pay for their misdeed on the Day of Judgment.

Thankfully, I doubt most Muslim men are of such character to beat their wives – even if she isn’t doing as she should and is not fulfilling her duties. I have asked a few how they felt about this verse and this part of the Shari’ah and all have told me they would never do it. Truthfully, I can’t be completely certain they were sincere, but I would hope so. Islam teaches peace, kindness, compassion. It doesn't teach or abdicate violence.