Rant: Designer Abayas and Hijabs

Today is a venting day. Due to certain events, my mind is not in the state to spend time actually thinking about what I had planned to write today. And so, it seems like a great idea to vent a bit about a topic I had been talking with a friend about recently.

There were plenty of Muslims where I was staying in the UK, and just in the country in general. A quick trip to the grocery store included sighting numerous women dressed in black abayas with varying degrees of embroidery and other details, simple hijabs wrapped tightly around their heads. Some wore colorful, pattered scarves while others kept it mild with simple designs or solid colors or even just black. Then there were those who took it a step further, choosing to don a niqab to cover their faces.

These women were what I would consider the epitome of female beauty. Every time I spied such a Muslima, my heart was filled with envy. Not the bad sort of envy in which I wished I could take what they had for mine, leaving them with nothing. Rather, I wished I could emulate them, dress like they did. I was filled with a longing to be as beautiful as they were in the way that a Muslima should be beautiful.

And then there were the ‘other’ Muslim women, which are of three sorts. The first is the sort that doesn’t bother to cover themselves at all. They call themselves Muslim, yet they do not cover their arms and legs, or don’t believe in wearing a hijab as being compulsory. How could these Muslimas consider themselves Muslim when they don’t follow one of the most basic principles of Islam?

Then there’s the second sort. This sort does cover their hair and arms and such. However, they choose tight jeans and equally tight long-sleeved shirts. While there skin may be covered, their clothes are form-fitting and show off their figure. How is this any different from a woman who chooses to wear t-shirts and shorts?

But this rant isn’t about those two sorts, although both do bother me more than the third. Instead, it’s the third sort.

First, the whole point of the abaya or jilbab and hijab is to hide one’s beauty. It’s to become invisible when out in public. While abayas can be any color and any design, most are simply black with sometimes a bit of embroidery or beadwork. The abaya is loose-fitting to hide a woman’s curves. All of this is intended to prevent the wandering eyes of men from seeing what only her mahram relatives should see. The same goes for the hijab, except it is used to cover the hair. Overall, the outfit a Muslim woman chooses to wear outside her home should hide her beauty as much as possible.

The third sort are a sort that follow Islamic principles when it comes to appropriately covering themselves: they wear hijabs that cover their hair, and they wear abayas that cover their bodies. So what sort of issue could I have with such Muslimas if they are doing as required?

My problem is the design of what they wear. In some places, the black abaya has been replaced by ‘fashion’ abayas: abayas made of colorful fabrics (even while the majority of the outfit is still black), adorned with plenty of ostentatious embroidery, beadwork, and whatnot. Simple hijabs have been replaced with designer hijabs, which are colorful and fancy.

To me, the purpose of such clothing is to show off and get attention. As I said before, the whole point of the abaya and hijab is to prevent drawing male attention to oneself. So if a Muslima chooses to wear bright, flashy, adorned clothing, then how can she expect men to look the other way? Common sense would say such clothing would actually attract attention, not deflect it.

Plus, wearing designer abayas or hijabs seems too much like wanting to follow Western ways. Muslims should not be worried too much about what they wear. They shouldn’t care if they have designer labels hanging in their closets. Following the ways of the kuffar (the un-believers) is wrong, and Muslims should try to avoid it.

However, even in having written all of this, I’m not judging anybody on what they choose to wear. It is certainly not my place to be judging people; that right is reserved solely for Allah subhana wa ta'ala. Instead, it’s all personal opinion. If Muslimas want to express themselves with what they wear, then so be it. I know I will never wear such clothing. A simple black abaya and solid-colored hijab is enough for me insha’Allah. And I could be wrong. Ultimately, Allah will choose who’s wrong and who’s right.

Talking about Islam

I’ve always been a quiet, reserved person. Ask anyone who knows me well and they can attest to the fact that I don’t speak much with people I don't know well, and with such people I tend to speak only when I’m spoken to. I find myself more of any observer and listener in a conversation as opposed to the speaker.

But as always, there are exceptions. Start me talking about certain subjects, and I can talk for hours. One certain subject is Islam. I always love having the chance to sit down with somebody and talk about this wonderful religion and way of life! I’m always open to questions and discussion, especially when it comes from a non-Muslim.

Prior to my adventures in the UK, I was living with my mother and step-father. Since their acceptance of my being a Muslim, they have surprised me with their interest in Islam. During the summer they sit outside in the evenings while supper cooks on the grill. Sometimes I join them, and a few of the times I happened to join them, I found myself answering questions about Islam: questions about fasting during Ramadan, questions about wudu’ and prayer, and questions about hijab.

It felt great to be talking about Islam with my parents, something that never would have taken place just a year before. Talking about Islam with them was the definite sign I had been looking for, the sign that meant they had – at least slightly – come to the fact that I was Muslim and that I was going to be one whether they liked it not.

But the best came after I arrived back in the US, when I moved in my grandparents. That’s when the questions began. My grandfather especially asked plenty of questions. And not the general questions either; in depth questions, such as how Muslims prayed. Several times he’s mentioned purchasing a book about Islam, which is far more than I would have ever expected. Insha’Allah I plan on lending him some of my books on Islam when I get them from my parents’ house. It would be great if at least someone in my family knew more about Islam than the absolute basics.

I had a chance to share even more when my uncle and his family came for a two week-long visit in the beginning of July. On several occasions, I fielded questions from numerous family members. My uncle’s wife, who studied Farsi for some time, was especially supportive and inquisitive. And one night after a big family dinner, I was asked about hijab. Rather than simply talking about it, I actually showed everyone seated around the table what I wore for hijab as I explained why I wore it.

But the questions have never been limited to family. I can remember one night not too long ago when I joined a close friend at her church to celebrate the Chinese New Year. While dinner was being prepared in the church kitchen, the two of us wandered off to talk. With our respective religions being important to both of us, we started talking about the subject. Because this was probably the first time I had the chance to share details of Islam in-depth with a non-Muslim, it was a special experience. I can’t explain how excited I was to be talking to her about Islam.

Then there’s work, which is my most recent experience in talking about Islam with non-Muslims. I work in laundry at a nursing home with four other people. It’s impossible to avoid one another as we’re constantly working together. And thus it’s impossible to avoid questions. I mean, none of them had probably ever come into contact with a Muslim. More than likely they assumed I was either Mormon or a Catholic nun since I covered my hair.

However, one day during a lull, the washerwoman asked me about my hijab and why I always wore a long-sleeve shirt under my scrubs. Of course I had been expecting questions sooner or later; there’s no way to avoid being self-conscious of wearing a hijab when working in a small, tight-knit Christian nursing home. So I was ready for her questions. Indeed, I was very excited and more than happy to feed her curiosity. So for about twenty minutes straight, she asked and I answered to the best of my ability. And until she quit recently, every so often she would ask me something else.

All of these experiences, talking about Islam with non-Muslims, are bright and positive spots in my life as a Muslim. Daw’ah is a great thing, and I’m happy that I can spread the truth about Islam even if only to a few people. Who knows? One day, one of these people I talk with might convert. It’s a long stretch, but if it Allah’s will, then it’s not impossible. Because of the possibility, I never ignore any questions, no matter how small they are. Insha’Allah I could be the spark that starts the fire.

Answering Your Questions: Family

Didn’t your parents and family stand against your decision of being a Muslim?

Yes and no.

Yes, there were a few of my relatives that had major issues with my decision to convert to Islam. Namely my mom, my step-dad, and my grandma on my mom’s side.

My mom was the second person to know about my conversion. She was actually aware of my interest in the religion prior to that, but had been indifferent towards the fact. That indifference carried over after my conversion. In fact, my mom supported me – in a way. Because we both knew my step-dad would not be pleased if he found out that I was now a Muslim, I had to hide it and I did so with my mother’s help. Throughout my first Ramadan, she made sure to hold off dinner long enough so as not to raise suspicions when I didn’t eat until after sunset. For the first few months, I felt I had an ally in my mom; she may not have been totally supportive of it, but at least she wasn’t against me being a Muslim.

At least until my step-dad finally found out. Then she was dead-set against me being a Muslim. She joined with my grandma and step-dad in their attempts to shake my faith. I don’t think she had any major problems with Islam itself; rather, she was worried I would get married to a Muslim man who would then whisk me away, never to be heard from again. A good enough reason to be worried I suppose, but of course a reason built upon misinformation and misunderstanding all the same.

My mom threatened to forgo helping me pay for school. She completely cut my Internet access so I couldn’t interact with fellow Muslims. She allowed my grandma to preach to me about Christianity when she herself is not a Christian. So in the end, it was her pressure that made me decide to pretend I wasn’t Muslims anymore. Only when that occurred did she stop the war tactics. Although, she still tested me at times, such as nights when she would cook pork for dinner.

And then there’s my step-dad. Where to begin? From certain passages above, you can already tell he had problems with Muslims. I knew before becoming a Muslim that he was prejudiced against Muslims. I have no idea why; maybe due to bad experiences during a military stay in Saudi Arabia. But that’s not important; what is important is he had issues with Muslims. And so for awhile I avoided telling him about my new-found religion. However, in a small town, it doesn’t take long for news to travel, especially big news. So a few months after I converted, he found out through the grapevine.

While my mother reacted with action, my step-dad did the exact opposite. For several months, he did not speak to me. We lived in the same house, but he didn’t utter a word to me. Even after I told my mom I wasn’t a Muslim anymore, he didn’t believe it. Of course he was right, but that’s not the point. And when I graduated from high school, I was out the door at his insistence. The silence continued for several more months, helped along by the fact that I wasn’t living with my parents. At least he wasn’t verbally berating me or worse.

Last on the contention list is my grandma. To start, she’s a devout Lutheran Christian (thank goodness she isn’t Catholic!). You can imagine she wasn’t pleased when she discovered her granddaughter was a Muslim. I never told her because I wasn’t sure what her reaction would be, and I didn’t want to poke a sleeping bear unintentionally. But then my mom poked the bear for me. At least one night a week, she would come to our house and preach. She would read from the Bible, give me handouts speaking about the terrible religion that is Islam, among other things. I can remember one particular attempt to kill my faith. My grandma brought over a DVD of a sermon given by a pastor in California. The whole hour long show was devoted to tearing into Islam. And when I ended up living with her for a week after getting kicked out of the house, she asked me one day, ‘Why do you hate Christians?’

That’s only the beginning of the list, which is far too long to go into too much detail.

However, no, Alhamdulillah most of my family was accepting of my conversion. Besides the three people listed above, I found no one in disagreement of my religious beliefs. You see, most in my family – on all sides – follow the philosophy that all are entitled to their own beliefs. Nobody was overjoyed that I had converted; all have been neutral on the issue. Considering what it could have been, I’m happy that’s what happened.

But what makes me the happiest is how my parents have come ‘round. When at the university, I told my mom that I had never stopped being a Muslim. I couldn’t hide it forever. But she didn’t get mad at me nor did she hang up right away. She wasn’t too impressed, but I had never expected her to be impressed. When I returned home for summer break, I had a firm resolve to better myself as a Muslim. This required telling my parents about wudu’ (ablution) and prayers. Their reaction was neutral, far from the reaction they had given before. In fact, my mother has even asked me a few question about Islam. Boy did I breathe a sigh of relief. After so much flak from the two of them, it is nice to know they don’t have such a big issue with my faith.

Now the only person who doesn’t agree with my beliefs is my grandmother. While I do resent her sometimes for her attempts to bring me back to Christianity, I can understand where she’s coming from. I mean, if my granddaughter or daughter converted to another religion, I would do all that I could do to persuade them otherwise. I suppose that makes me a bit of a hypocrite. But regardless, I know her preaching and such came from her heart; she cares about me and doesn’t want to see me straying from the path – the path she believes in anyway.

When it comes to disagreement about my conversion from family members, I’m living the sweet life. Alahmdulillah none of my family has disowned me due to my religion which is far better than some fellow converts can say. Some lose their whole families in addition to their friends. Their parents, their wives or husbands, their children and their family, leave simply because they can’t accept their loved one’s faith. I can say I’m thankful to Allah that I still have my family by my side.

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Ask me anything!

www.formpring.me/imantstyson

What Ramadan is All About

‘There’s some bottled water downstairs,’ my grandma informed me as we were just finishing up dinner. ‘You should take a couple to work in the morning.’

Why is she telling me this, I thought to myself. Please tell me she hasn’t forgotten that I can’t even drink water during a Ramadan fast. ‘Why would I take water to work?’ I inquired, wary of what the answer would be.

‘So you can stay hydrated. You won’t be eating lunch.’

Great, just the reply I was dreading to hear. While my grandma and I very rarely butt heads when it came to me being a Muslim, she is very opinionated and is not afraid to let it be known. I didn’t have to tell her I was restricted from ingesting anything to know how she would react to that one. But I had to tell her. ‘I can’t drink water, remember?’

‘What? You can’t even drink water?’

‘No, we can’t eat or drink anything. That includes water.’ What makes water so special that whenever I tell a non-Muslim I can’t eat or drink anything, they think water is an exception?

My grandma gave me a funny look, like I was insane – and right about then she probably thought I was insane. Me and the rest of the Muslims that fast. ‘That’s absolutely ridiculous. I’m sorry Tamara, but that’s just crazy. It isn’t even healthy!’ At least she apologized.

I didn’t say much after that, for I know just how opinionated my grandma can be; no amount of arguing or discussion would change her mind. I told her that, while I did have to work up to nine hours on some days, I had fasted through much tougher situations and had never experienced adverse effects. And, even though I must fast through the hot, humid, oppressive South Dakota summer, at least I’m not living in someplace hotter. But, not surprisingly, my words had no effect on my grandma.

To her, and to probably many other non-Muslims, what we do during Ramadan is the opposite of sane. Most probably don’t even know what Ramadan is. They might know it includes fasting, but don’t know the specifics.

So, for you non-Muslims out there who may not know much about Ramadan, what is this ritual that has Muslims fasting?

Ramadan is one of the five pillars of faith for Muslims. It is the ninth month of the lunar calendar (Islam does not follow the solar calendar) and the holiest period of the Islamic year. Ramadan is thought to be month in which the Qur’an was first revealed to the Prophet Muhammad salallahu alayhi wassalam by Allah in the year 610 CE.

The rules of Ramadan are simple and straightforward: for one lunar month, all practicing, able-bodied Muslims who have experienced puberty are forbidden to eat or drink from sunrise to sunset. There are a few other caveats, such as inhaling anything or basically just taking anything into a body organ, but the main restriction is not ingesting anything. Other forbidden activities include participating in sensual pleasures during daylight hours; thus, no sex, no smoking (although smoking is generally classified as forbidden anyway), and no music.

Muslims believe that during this holy month the gates of hell close, meaning Shaytan, the devil, in unable to tempt them during a month of rigorous discipline, charity, and self-control. The objective of the fast is to diminish one’s dependence on material goods, purify the heart, and establish camaraderie with the poor to inspire charitable works during the year. Ramadan is as much a period of self-growth as of self-denial. The Prophet Muhammad salallahu alayhi wassalam once purportedly said, ‘He who does not abandon falsehood in word and actions in accordance with fasting, Allah had no need that he should abandon his food and drink.’

An average day in Ramadan can start as early as 3 am, with a pre-dawn meals known as suhoor (sehri for Urdu speakers). Suhoor often consists of protein- and carbohydrate-packed food to get the faster through the long, foodless day. The rest of the day is spent reciting prayers, abstaining from bad deeds, and reading the Qur’an. Fasters are expected to read the entire Qur’an within the month, thus many mosques have taken to breaking down the Qur’an into 30 even parts to be recited daily in sermons. The fast lasts until the sun sinks below the horizon and is broken with a small meal known as iftar. This small meal is followed by the maghrib prayer, which is in turn followed by a larger meal.

The end of Ramadan is signaled by the sighting of the new moon, which means the new lunar month has begun. This time is marked by a huge, three-day festival called ‘Eid al-Fitr (the Feast of Fast-Breaking). ‘Eid al-Fitr is a joyous time of the year after a joyous month. Families and even whole villages come together to celebrate the end of the month of fasting.

And thus, that is what Ramadan is all about. Of course, Ramadan is far more than what I have written in, but this is the basics. In essence, it’s a month devoted to worshipping Allah more than the norm, as well as learning self-control and encouraging Muslims to help the needy. So while Muslims may seem absolutely bonkers for fasting from sunrise to sunset for a whole month, there is great wisdom behind the act and the benefits of doing so are immense.

To all my fellow Muslims, I wish you Ramadan kareem! May Allah bless us all, forgive us our sins, and keeps us on the right path. And may He accept our efforts during this wonderful month. Ameen.